How I Waste My Precious Time

I just discovered the best feature of the Virtual Console on the Nintendo Wii: you can leave games paused infinitely just by returning to the Wii Menu. Not such a big deal for the Super Nintendo and later games with Save functionality built-in, but this is huge for NES and other games where you have to play from start to finish in one sitting. It’s like turning the TV off and leaving the NES running all day while you’re at school.

I’ve just started playing through Super Mario Bros. 3, and because of this feature I think I’ll play through the entire game. Should be fun to beat every level instead of just grabbing those Warp Whistles all the time. I’ll let you know how it goes when I finish next year sometime.

Every feel like saying this?

“Don’t say another Goddamn word. Up until now, I’ve been polite. If you say anything else - word one - I will kill myself. And when my tainted spirit finds its destination, I will topple the master of that dark place. From my black throne, I will lash together a machine of bone and blood, and fueled by my hatred for you this fear engine will bore a hole between this world and that one.

When it begins, you will hear the sound of children screaming - as though from a great distance. A smoking orb of nothing will grow above your bed, and from it will emerge a thousand starving crows. As I slip through the widening maw in my new form, you will catch only a glimpse of my radiance before you are incinerated. Then, as tears of bubbling pitch stream down my face, my dark work will begin.

I will open one of my six mouths, and I will sing the song that ends the Earth. “

I know, hilarious right? Stolen from Penny-Arcade!

Recent comments about “the hacker” character in modern movies and TV has lead me to a potentially uncomfortable realization. Penny Arcade posted a comic strip Monday on the matter. A couple weeks before goldenfiddle posted a chat transcript on the same idea. I think they were both inspired by Die Hard 4, which I haven’t seen, but you don’t have to look far to find other examples. I’ve only seen a quarter or fewer of 24 episodes, but they must be amongst the worst. That show would collapse if it’s weren’t for the constant usage of all-powerful hackers as a plot device. So lame.

And then I realized one of my most favorite and lovable and heroic characters of all time may be the original inspiration for all of these lame followers. I’m afraid R2D2 is the original hacker. He mostly opened doors and fixed space ships in a pretty “hands on” manner, but shutting down all the trash compactors on the detention level is on the edge.