How to get yourself elected

To me, these are the only acceptable positions on current political issues:

Gay Marriage.
Are you kidding me? Of course gay people can get married or do whatever they want and deserve full protection under the law. It’s called equality and if you don’t stand for it you are garbage. Moving on.

Iraq.
Totally fucked, we should pull out ASAP. That won’t fix it though, but nothing we can do will. For the next 20 years we need to give them mountains of cash to rebuild their infrastructure and provide basic services to the population. Can’t wait to find out which leader of a powerful religious sect we get to hand this cash over to, the current government stands no chance.

Universal Health Care.
It’s starting to sound like people are willing to pay lip service to this idea finally, but until we really implement a way for everyone in the US to get basic and free health service our claim to be civilized at all is laid bare. If we can stand by and let thousands of our fellow citizens die because they can’t pay enough to live we are immoral savages. A single payer system is the only way too, whatever is required to get there: anything else is just a smoke screen to not do the right thing in deference to the health care industry’s greed.

Immigration.

Space Program.

Environment.

 

Guess I never finished this, but better to post it for posterity than to wait around to work on it more later. For instance, I published this 6.5 years after I half wrote it.

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